Sigh...
The day I've been dreading since I found out I was pregnant is now less than 24 hours away...BACK TO WORK....
Honestly, I really just don't think I expect the day to ever arrive especially at the beginning of them joining the world. That was when my boys were in the NICU and I was home and the day could not come fast enough when they would join us. Each day just dragged by that I didn't have my boys home and that their setbacks were keeping them in longer. And then Brody came home, how exciting yet heartbreaking, one of our little boys was coming home while the other one stayed back to get stronger. And then the days didn't drag at all, but the time when BOTH my boys were home could not come soon enough! It was one of the worst times of my life when I had to feel like half a mother to both my boys, forever leaving one to go spend time with the other. Those 5 weeks were the most trying in my life and I honestly couldn't wait for them to be over. FINALLY the day I had been waiting for since March 11, both my baby boys were at home!! We could actually become a "normal" family, that is as normal as a family can be with two newborns :) Of course, Josh came home on an apnea monitor that he had to be on when he slept which made things a little abnormal for a while...and we all counted down the days until we could give that back.
And as did everything else, that time did pass as well and we were well on our way to become parents to typical newborns. It was harder than hard, tougher than tough, but well worth the journey. Now looking back, I realized that I so desperately wanted to get to the next stage of their recuperation that I was actually wishing away my time with them. And now 17 weeks later, what I wouldn't give to get that time back. Not to the time when they were so little and sick in their isolettes that were maintaining their temperature for them, or those damn feeding tubes that we hated as did the boys since they continued to rip them from their noses almost every day, lol. But to the days where they had just come home and we were just so excited to have two babies of our own. To the time where we were so sleep deprived that I was convinced I would never get a full night's rest again. What I wouldn't give to go back to the day where they both made their first coos and started smiling at just mommy and no one else. How quickly that time flew and dammit I won't get it back!!
I am so thankful for technology and for all the pictures we are able to get of our boys and be able to share with all of our friends and family at light speed. Gone are the days where you actually have to go get your film developed and man is that a Godsend since with twins, you are lucky to leave the house once a week!! I am so glad to have a continuous record of our boys growth and progress, from the time that they were so little I was petrified of holding them to now the pudgy little guys they have become. We have photographic evidence of what incredible fighters our Josh & Brody are and how far they have come.
Now, this time in their development they will spend with their dad, giving him all their smiles and coos. I am so thrilled that Matt will get to experience what I have had the privilege to experience over the past several months, and it will truly melt his heart and humble him at the same time as it did with me. But at the same time I am insanely jealous that he gets to have them all to himself as I once did...to be able to see their little personalities bloom and to see them discover that they are a twin and the joy of having another little person that is just like them! How on earth will I get any work done, knowing they are giggling at each other??
I will be glad to get to have some of my own time that is separate from my boys, and on top of that even get to eat or go to the bathroom when I please, not when they allow me :) I'll be able to have adult conversations that don't center around poo or spit up or any other type of bodily functions and will actually be able to use my brain for things other that figuring out how to do things with one hand or figuring out how to hold and calm two babies at once. It'll be nice to feel like a functioning adult with something to add to the workforce, yet at the same time, if I had the choice, I would stay home in a heartbeat. Not that I don't want to do all those things I mentioned, I just don't want to do it just yet...they are only this small for such a short while and I don't want to miss a thing.
And I will now leave this with a picture of my three men, only a precursor of what Matt will be teaching them in the future :) I need to end on a happy note because I've cried enough while typing this post and need something to make me smile...enjoy:
Honestly, I really just don't think I expect the day to ever arrive especially at the beginning of them joining the world. That was when my boys were in the NICU and I was home and the day could not come fast enough when they would join us. Each day just dragged by that I didn't have my boys home and that their setbacks were keeping them in longer. And then Brody came home, how exciting yet heartbreaking, one of our little boys was coming home while the other one stayed back to get stronger. And then the days didn't drag at all, but the time when BOTH my boys were home could not come soon enough! It was one of the worst times of my life when I had to feel like half a mother to both my boys, forever leaving one to go spend time with the other. Those 5 weeks were the most trying in my life and I honestly couldn't wait for them to be over. FINALLY the day I had been waiting for since March 11, both my baby boys were at home!! We could actually become a "normal" family, that is as normal as a family can be with two newborns :) Of course, Josh came home on an apnea monitor that he had to be on when he slept which made things a little abnormal for a while...and we all counted down the days until we could give that back.
And as did everything else, that time did pass as well and we were well on our way to become parents to typical newborns. It was harder than hard, tougher than tough, but well worth the journey. Now looking back, I realized that I so desperately wanted to get to the next stage of their recuperation that I was actually wishing away my time with them. And now 17 weeks later, what I wouldn't give to get that time back. Not to the time when they were so little and sick in their isolettes that were maintaining their temperature for them, or those damn feeding tubes that we hated as did the boys since they continued to rip them from their noses almost every day, lol. But to the days where they had just come home and we were just so excited to have two babies of our own. To the time where we were so sleep deprived that I was convinced I would never get a full night's rest again. What I wouldn't give to go back to the day where they both made their first coos and started smiling at just mommy and no one else. How quickly that time flew and dammit I won't get it back!!
I am so thankful for technology and for all the pictures we are able to get of our boys and be able to share with all of our friends and family at light speed. Gone are the days where you actually have to go get your film developed and man is that a Godsend since with twins, you are lucky to leave the house once a week!! I am so glad to have a continuous record of our boys growth and progress, from the time that they were so little I was petrified of holding them to now the pudgy little guys they have become. We have photographic evidence of what incredible fighters our Josh & Brody are and how far they have come.
Now, this time in their development they will spend with their dad, giving him all their smiles and coos. I am so thrilled that Matt will get to experience what I have had the privilege to experience over the past several months, and it will truly melt his heart and humble him at the same time as it did with me. But at the same time I am insanely jealous that he gets to have them all to himself as I once did...to be able to see their little personalities bloom and to see them discover that they are a twin and the joy of having another little person that is just like them! How on earth will I get any work done, knowing they are giggling at each other??
I will be glad to get to have some of my own time that is separate from my boys, and on top of that even get to eat or go to the bathroom when I please, not when they allow me :) I'll be able to have adult conversations that don't center around poo or spit up or any other type of bodily functions and will actually be able to use my brain for things other that figuring out how to do things with one hand or figuring out how to hold and calm two babies at once. It'll be nice to feel like a functioning adult with something to add to the workforce, yet at the same time, if I had the choice, I would stay home in a heartbeat. Not that I don't want to do all those things I mentioned, I just don't want to do it just yet...they are only this small for such a short while and I don't want to miss a thing.
And I will now leave this with a picture of my three men, only a precursor of what Matt will be teaching them in the future :) I need to end on a happy note because I've cried enough while typing this post and need something to make me smile...enjoy:
1 comment:
Make sure Matt has them listen to old Weezer...Pork & Beans stinks! Good luck to both of you this week! As hard as it may be, it will be nice to have some adult conversation. Working moms rule the world!
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